I have 3 days until my 26th birthday....what? 26? this is soo not what I had in mind when I was 16 and they asked me where I would be in 10 years. In my plan I was on Broadway...never happened, had a house...um nope not yet, finished collage....tried and failed, had a career I loved and made good money....um like it and make money but still can't catch up!, and had a family...ok. have the starting of one but thought I would have at least 2 kids by now. so, I ask you, where did the time go? it makes me feel old. ok I know 26 is not that old but it really makes me feel old. I should have done something with my life by now. something spectacular, something marvelous.
See all my siblings have amazing talents! they can paint, write, draw, play instruments, write music...just to name a few. I wish I had that kind of talent. I have always been average in whatever came my way....better then being horrible at everything but sometimes I wonder if that would be better. then I wouldn't' be stuck on the sidelines wondering what or when, if ever, my talent will pop out. I should have developed whatever small talent I had to make myself stand out...but I didn't so here I am 25, up to my eyeballs in debt, no house to call my own, a quarter of a collage education and about to turn 26 and feeling old.
if that weren't' enough. Juliet started school today. I know she is only 3, but she is advanced for her age so she is a peer tutor for under-developed kids. she goes for 2 hours a day. we got her a back pack on Saturday. I dressed her all up this morning, took her to McDonald's for breakfast and hyped up the whole new school thing so it would be easier for her. she took it like a champ. went into the classroom, found her cubby (and was very pleased about it), and started playing with a puzzle. I kissed her goodbye and she said see you later. and that was it.....of course as soon as I got in the car my brave, you'll have so much fun mommy face came off and my oh my gosh, what the heck is going on, I just dropped her off at school face came on....along with the tears.
so there we have it. I feel old and un-achieved, except for Juliet. she is a great accomplishment right? she is smart and funny, well rounded and really could do anything. But can I really take credit for that? I mean she was born that way, we just let her be (not like you could stop that girl anyway. hehe). but that's life.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
failure at 25? NO NO NO,,,,you have more talent in your little finger than most people, you have brought into this world a beautiful, intelligent daughter, YOU did that, you are a good friend, you are a good wife, you are a good daughter you also make fantastic cakes, you write wonderfully, you, and I mean YOU,,,have kept your little family together, you HAVE NOT GIVEN up,,,,you may not have succeeded at college, you may not have succeeded at owning your own home, but you have succeeded at going out in the world and working a good paying job, you have succeeded in raising a wonderful daughter, you have succeeded in backing every thing you husband wanted to do, you never gave up...you are Maura LeAnn and no one else can lay claim to that....
love and hugs
G
I agree with Grandma. And she's not just trying to make you feel better. All those things are true.
I kind of know how you feel. We're raised knowing we've been given talents. At least one, but probably more. And then you realize you've been given a talent too, and you've got to cultivate it and share it or you'll lose it. If you're anything like me you think, "Oh! What's my talent?" And you'll search high and low and feel like you'll never find it. I think we as women are too hard on ourselves and we don't see our good as easily as others. You are a fiercely loyal friend. You have stood by me in thick and thin and you'll take my side under attack even if you don't know for sure that I'm right. That doesn't matter to you. You have a deep sense of justice. You don't like it when wrong is done to those who don't deserve it. You stand up for what you believe. Who cares what other people think! You have a strength and optimism deep rooted in you that few people would have in your situations. It takes a strong person - that means you - not to throw up her hands at the cards she's been dealt and give up. Giving up is easy, but you never do what's easy. You do what's right. And those are just a few of the reasons we love you. I love you. And I'm so proud of you. Happy early birthday.
thank you both for that...I really needed it. sometimes I have pitty parties and I try not to bring them out in view but this one got the best of me.
I appreciate your comments!!! very much.
thank you. love you both!
Post a Comment