modesty

Last night I did all my laundry.....since I was taught to do them in colors I was doing the whites and therefore had all my under things in the laundry. Well Juliet was already in bed and I thought I would be getting up before she would be so I took my shower and went to bed...well lets say all natural. :)

Juliet came into my bed about 3:30 am because of a supposed 'nightmare' (she has a lot of those when daddy is gone...she likes to sleep in our bed) so naturally she was in bed when morning came a poken it's sunny head in our room (haha....get it? sunny head, morning. haha. ok anyway..) and of course children wake up with the sun, they have not really gotten the hang of the whole adult concept of sleeping in. so I woke up to her in the middle of a story (like I had been part of the conversation the whole time) and so I pick up with the standard 'oh, ahha and cool' while I desperately try to get my brain to catch up with a three year old's story at 7:30am.

eventually I get my sandpaper eyelids open, my muscles stretched out and the extra oxygen apparently required when you wake up by yawning 8 times in one minute. So with Juliet still in the middle of a story (notice a say 'a' story and not 'the' story, because she changes stories like she changes her shoes....a lot). I roll out of bed and start stumbling towards the dryer, here comes the part where I become impossibly aware of my modesty...or lack there of.

Juliet stops mid-sentence and I hear from behind me
'ew...I did not want to see your butt!'
I turn my head and say..."well excuse me!" and meander on my way to get dressed...quickly.

leave it to a child to put you in place and thoroughly embarrass you at the same time.

I have been tagged....

20 years ago I was....
1- probably making igloos in our front yard in Alaska with my dad and sister
2- Starting school.
3- eating M&M's with Deborah in the middle of the night

10 years ago I was....
1- Counting down the days I could date
2- On a trip to Europe as a Student Ambassador
3- Finally finding my nitch in high school.

5 years ago I was...
1- Newly married and car-less. :)
2- Just starting out my career working for the state after failing as school
3- Ballooning to my heaviest weight

3 years ago I was...
1- Celebrating family finishing up school
2- Learning to be a mother
3- finally finding out my passion in life….baking/cooking (and of course motherhood)
4- Started reading like my life depended on it

1 year ago I was...
1- Trying desperately to figure out how we were going to pay the bills
2- able to look at myself in the mirror and not see a fatso…still working on the rest of the weight
3- Realizing how lucky I am to have friends, family and the church in my life.
4 - became obsessed about reading

So far this year....
1- started a blog
2- taken cake decorating classes and made more and more cakes
3- read all the twighlight books in a matter of a week and a half and am awaiting the fourth book…and the movie!!!!
4- offered and accepted a new job as an Admin Assistant III for Health and Human services.
5- read ALOT of books

Yesterday I...
1- worked
2- went to the movies with Jason, double feature!
3- Said good-bye to my hunny who is leaving for the next 14-24 days.
4 - finished one book and started on another

Today I....
1- will look for a new place to live
2- start packing up my stuff to leave this job for my new one I start next week.
3- talked to Deborah on google-chat
4- Talked my my mudda (mom) on the phone.
5- texted
6- read


Tomorrow I will...
1- go to work
2- spend time with Juliet and probably red box a movie.
3- read
4- Try to blog something clever and funny….never turns out that way, but I do keep trying.

This is a tag. Deborah tagged me so I had to do it. My answers are none to exciting and I even stole some from Deborah (20 years ago). But it was fun and now I tag Mom, Grandma and Ruth. :)

Have fun!!!

creepy crawly

It's 4:15, we're home and finally getting ready to go to the beach...well our version of the beach in these parts...Lake Tahoe. :) we get our swim suits on. Pack everything imaginable and only halfway useful and get going.

on the way up the windy California/Nevada roads I listen to Juliet play with her uncle Alexander and uncle Kieth in the backseat while I sing along to my favorite Blue October songs. Jason is humming along to the ones he knows...all is well not a care in the world, except, of course, for those sheer Cliff drop offs that no one seems to particular about getting guard rails up on. Not that guard rails would hold a car from going over, but still it would be a little more comforting then looking over the edge while going 50 and seeing nothing but rock, side way trees and lake....150 feet down! but hey, who's paying attention? :)

we finally get there, I roll down the windows to catch the cool mountain air and start looking for the parking spot. 'yes. one right in front and next to the potties! Score!!' I park and the unloading begins. I of course am on mommy duty so I tug my little tiker along and find the perfect spot in the sand. soon the rest of the family catches up and the unloading begins. The food, blankets, floaties and chairs go up, are blown up and set up. We are ready!
'aaahhhhh, what a perfect day!'

Mom, Beck, Reana and I get our floties and head on out. We start pattling to the booyies, talking, splashing and laughing. Mom turns back early and then Reana...but Beck and I are trucking along. We're going all the way. 'wait...is that mom calling us back in? well, we'll just say we didn't hear her' oh the cleverness of us. ;) the waives are high, the bottom untouchable and the water cold but soothing. we finally turn back and find it much harder to come back in then it was to go out. We make it...finally and settle down for some grub. Some of us go back out...some of us stay and read. We watch the birds fight over the crumb thrown to them and then call out to their fellow birds telling them where the food is....i think to myself 'If you are going to fight about it, why call more over' but I am not a bird so don't know what they are thinking...I shrug and go back to my book.

the day if getting late, so in the late day sun we start the packing to upload the goods and drive back. On the way back I again, listen to Juliet play with her uncles, while Jason and I sing along to our favorite songs, have small talk and watch the world turn from mountain forest to desert city...man I love this place!

we get home, my skin is still cold from the water and soft from the sand, I take my shower and snuggle into bed (one of the perks of having daddy home, Juliet wants him to do all the bed time stuff. wahoo for me) I start reading my book again, but find myself worn out, but in a good way. So, I turn the tv down, mark my book and snuggle farther into bed.

Jason has come in and is laying on the bed, reading his magazine, I am drifting off into blissful sleep, thinking about the wonderful day and how utterly comfy I am. Then I feel the slight tickle in the ear I am laying on, only seconds before the sheer terror goes down my spine. I bolt up in bed, start screaming as I am slapping my face.
now, lets just rewind a second...can you imagine what Jason is thinking? ;~)
it takes me a good thirty seconds to calm down because not only did something crawl on me it crawled out of me....it was in my ear...Oh, just the thought brings back the feeling of cold sweat, dizzying panic and icy terror. Jason tries to calm me down to figure out what is going on, I try to tell him through gasp of breath and slapping at my ear. (why he doesn't burst out laughing sometimes...I will never know. hehe).

then with a small snicker my mind says 'gotcha'...
'what, what do you mean...there was something crawling on me....no out of my ear...how can that be a trick? a joke? a gotcha?'.
'your so silly' it says...'didn't you swimming today and didn't you feel like you had cotton in your ear?...do you really think it was a creepy crawly?'
'yes! because I would never let myself trick myself into being that terrified!'
'oh, yes you would and you did!....gotcha'.

so I gingerly feel my ear and what do you know a little line of water has trickled out. I look at Jason, who has to know by now that I have conversations in my head with myself and patiently waits for me to argue, and tell him. "silly me, it was just water coming out of my ear, I thought it was a bug". He smiles and bites his cheek...to keep from laughing I'm sure, since he also knows I don't do well at being laughed at (answer to my previous question. hehe), I lay my head back down (after checking for crawlies on my pillow....after all we don't want another 'gotcha' now do we?) and fall back into sleep.

funny things....or are they?

So I just got off the phone with my sister and sometimes we will get each other in giggling fits...the thing is, most of the time if any other person in the world were to have this conversation it wouldn't be funny! So I am in a giggly mood anyway, for a few reasons. One, Jason is home and when he is home, my life seems much easier to handle and I find my self a lot less stressed (I think its because he does the dishes and the laundry....among other things) and two..I am about to go through a major change in life (a new job) and when that happens I get all 'whatever' attitude and it is hard for me to focus and I tend to thing the little un-funny things are funny...so you can imagine when something is funny...what kind of toll it takes. :) so here is what made us laugh so hard.






1. this picture was on her blog and I couldn't stop laughing. I had to post it on mine! Isn't this the funniest thing you have ever seen! Oh my goodness. I just can not stop laughing. I can just imagine the little kid screaming because he can't contain himself. I think it is soo funny to me because I think I have had that look once or twice in life.....I know I definitely know the feeling. haha.







2. I was texting Deb. yesterday and on my last text she didn't' respond...I wondered why but didn't think anything of it. She asked me just now what the heck was I talking about. here is what my text read:

'Good i have alone yesterday and stem ran errands. totally took everytimi out of me now i an so tired.'

it should have read:

Good I gave blood yesterday and then ran errands. totally took everything out of me no i am so tired'

I have the T9 on there and if you don't pay attention it pulls up a different word. Usually I am good at scrolling to find the word I want but apparently I was out of it. haha. So you can imagine what my poor sister was thinking....she didn't even text back, she had no idea what to say. haha



3. as my dad once said. I have a passion for life. When there is something I like I let it be known....especially with food. If you have ever been around me when I like something particularly tasty you know what I am talking about. :) If you have not, I am sure you will get the pleasure of it sometime. Here is the funny part.....if you have seen Spiderwick you'll remember the part when the brownie gets angry, he calms down when given honey....did you pay attention to how he loves the honey and is all "yumm, yumm, this is so good. oh. so good...yum, yum" as he munches on the cracker. Well if you have heard me when I eat something I like....then you know why it is so funny..if not then you got a preview of what I sound like...that is exactly what I sound like. haha.



our conversation lasted all of 4-5 minutes but we both had to get off the phone before we a. got in trouble at work and b. peed our pants. Too funny.



I love laughing. hope you got a good one. :)

A Date with.....

So we all remember the dating scene....maybe you are still in it. The fun of getting together with someone you had been admiring. The nervousness and excitement and the feeling of either disappointment or joy, when you find out if you are compatible or not. I miss that sometimes but I also LOVE it when Jason and I go on dates. 'What? you go on dates with your husband?'.....Sure do! all married couples should continue to date each other. I have only been married 5 and a half years but from watching my parents and grandparents, who continue to date their spouses...it is advice we try to stick with. Jason and I go on dates all the time, either to the movies or out to our favorite lunch spot. Not all of them have to be expensive either....there are no money dates (but you probably don't want to hear abou those ones. hehe ;~) ). But it is fun to go out with your spouse and know what a good time you are likely to have, still have something to talk about and yes, even get those butterfly's when he holds your hand in the movie theatre or gives you a 'love you' look across the dinner table. :) that is all fine and dandy but have you ever considered dating someone else?

'NO, how can you even suggest a thing?'

well before you get the wrong idea, let me tell you who I am suggesting you date...Yourself.

Yup you heard me right....take yourself out on a date. Go to a movie you really want to see. Get yourself a huge tub of popcorn and a soda you don't have to share. Take yourself to your favorite place to eat and order something crazy. buy yourself a huge ice-cream and go to the park, or take yourself to the bookstore and spend an hour in the corner reading a new book before you decide you will buy it. :)

Never heard of this concept? some have, some haven't...some think it is kinda sad or lonely to go out and eat or go to a movie by yourself. I on the other hand HAVE to take myself out every once and a while. I love going out by myself. Yes, I get looks ranging from 'really, only one?' to 'aww how sad she has no date' to 'good for you!', but I don't' mind. I am doing something for myself, getting to know or remember what it is I like to do, or see, or eat.

sometimes it is hard to remember just who you are, what you like to do or even be comfortable being by yourself because we are so used to being with someone else. While I have no qualms about being with family and friends....why not remember the one person that has to deal with you everyday, who knows your breaking points and your strengths and what you love to do....YOU!

So take yourself out on a date if you haven't done it yet....or if you have, keep on doing it! I am pretty sure you wont' find the company wanting and if you do....maybe you should date some more so you can get to know yourself again.

Have fun!

Changes

So everyone has heard and I am sure used the sayings 'when it rains, it pours' or 'it will come when you least expect it'....well you could say that those sayings (and many others which you will no doubt get to hear in the rest of this post) have been my life this past week...and then some!

So lets back up a few so I can set the stage to let you know why all the things that were said were such a big deal. Jason had been out of work since the store closed and he had been talking for a while about becoming a truck driver. I had a hard time with this because he would be away a lot but more so he would be on his own, with random guys who may or may not have morals. Don't get me wrong I know their are a lot of good drivers! we have some in our family and a couple in our church...but still I was concerned. Well, a guy from our church said he wanted to team drive and said he would wait for Jason to go through training and then drive with him. This I could live with...they have the same family values and faith and know what needs to be done! so he went through the school and is now almost complete with his training..... Second thing to set the stage....we have been living in a house my parents own. It is now in the foreclosure process, which is fine. We planned on living with mom and dad until we could find a place of our own. And have recently decided to have Jason's Grandma live with us as it would help alleviate the rent and she desperately needs to have someone around her. She is getting up there in years with some medical issues so it would be good for her to get to know Juliet and to have someone there in case she needs anything. Third setting....we have been struggling with money for quite some time. Being young and foolish, I took advantage of all the cool credit cards and money loans I could get my hands on, fiddled away the school loans my parents so kindly signed on and now I have to pay back with almost nothing to show for it. So our credit is bad and we are just now learning....truly learning how to manage our money...but barely and there isn't much money to manage. hehe.

so stage is set, history lesson in place and now we come to the day in question.

It was Sunday...and I was having a hard day. It was one of those days were everything in life just weighs in on your shoulders, where for some reason, the things that are usually only an annoyance in your day are dramatic, you can't catch your breath and you feel like the walls are going to come tumbling down and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it, or worse you know you are the cause of it. some would call it a panic attack, some would call it a breakdown....I called it a down right rotten day. But me being the only parent home and because Juliet was not having a 'rotten' day...I tried to put my best foot forward and take it like a man (another set of sayings....don't' worry...there's more). So we got up, got ready for church and drove in. While we were there Juliet had an accident AGAIN and we had to clean her up. I almost went home but NO that is exactly what the adversary would want me to do... Leave the one place I could find comfort and answers to my personal turmoil. So on we went to class, well Juliet had another accident and so we cleaned her up again...my patience straining and my temper simmering because I knew I wasn't being patient when I should have been. Then I see the wife of the the guy Jason is going to be driving with and so she strikes the second blow of the day....and informs us that if Chris is not making enough money (as much as she thinks he should make) after two months of Jason and him driving together....Chris will be finding another job!
'what?' I think 'exuse me, that would have been a good thing to know before Jason went through all of this. He could have stayed here and found a job with the state or even with the sanitation department or something.' because Jason has to stay on with SWIFT for the next 26 months whether he has a team driver or not!
but I smile (begrudgingly) and decide maybe it is time to go home. so we go and while Juliet is sleeping, I start thinking....and crying. I called Jason and told him. He, being the awesome man that he is, tells me everything will be ok and not to worry. so I hang up with some of the sadness lifted, but still have an overwhelming sense of self-pitty and grayness that won't go away. So, like every scenario with this kind of situation I cried myself to sleep.....
Enter the next day. This would be the 'when your least expecting it' part.....
Juliet got up cheery as can be, promising she will use the toilet like a big girl. Ok. Then I get to work and actually get stuff that needs to be done, done! and quick...OK. Then I get a call from this office that I had interviewed with 2 weeks ago and they offered me the job, it is a promotions and will pay almost $400 more a month, plus I am moving up so it will be easier to promote from there. Of course this is a major change so I mulled over it all day and finally weighing my options and pro's and con's took it, then I was told the house we are trying to rent can be rented to us with in the next month or so and that it is 4 bedrooms instead of 3, then Jason, who had been stuck in TX for the last 3 days and didn't know when he would be leaving texted me and said he got a load and was working his way back home finally.... When it rains it pours.
I am deeply sad to leave this place. I have worked her for 6 years, have had monumental life changes happen while i was here...I got married while working here, had Juliet while working here, made life-long bonds and great memories. But I am comfortable and am not going anywhere. It was time for me to get out of my comfort zone and learn and grow. I am holding on by a thin string right now, my emotions are so up and down it is hard to tell if I am happy, sad, frustrated, nervous or content....I think it might be a little of everything wrapped in one, which by the way, is very draining.

The moral of the story....Our Lord will never give us something we can't handle, he knows when I need to be humbled and when to be uplifted, when to be tried and when to give me the blessings worked for. He knows when I will break and what will make me stronger. He knows what and when I can handle and allows me to see what I went through and how I came away from it. He lets me know that I am deeply loved even though I don't' love myself, He lets me know how important I am when I feel small and how small I am when I feel to big for my britches, He can look at me and know what I will do but still allow me to learn for myself and grow from the experience....and that is exactly what I am doing and hope to learn from. We all have our horrid days or panic attacks or breakdowns, but can be lifted if only we look at it from another view with a little faith.

I by no means am perfect, and I am constantly having to pull myself in check or find myself being put in check, but I am trying and these trials are here for me, so that I can one day be perfect or help someone who needs me. I still have horrid days, sad moods and sit on my bed crying like a baby to Him, hoping he wont' find me to pathetic, but I think that everyone needs to do that once and a while. Just let it all out with out abandonment and let the world close in and close you off. It allows us to see just how much we can handle, what we are capable of handling...what Heavenly Father KNEW we would be able to handle all along.

so I just had to share my life in a nut shell right now. My whole foundation is up in arms and I am tempted to lie back and do nothing to make it better but that is not what I am here for so with a little bit of knowledge, a whole lot of faith...I keep going and with a smile too. One day I will be able to laugh about it or even feel pride about the way I handled it....we will see, only time will tell. but there it is. :) I don't' often write serious stuff, but that was the kind of mood I was in.

Me.

Who are you?

got this in an e-mail from my aunt...thought I would share with everyone instead of passing it along. :) it was fun....you can cut and paste it into an e-mail if you wanted to fill it out and send it along.


( ) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Watched someone die
(x) Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
( ) Been to Florida
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Been lost
(x) Been on the opposite side of the country
( ) Gone to Washington , DC
(x) Swam in the ocean
(x) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robber
(x) Recently colored with crayons
(x) Sang Karaoke
(x) Paid for a meal with coins only?
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
(x) Made prank phone calls;
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(x) Danced in the rain
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus
( ) Been kissed under the mistletoe
(x) Watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(x) Blown bubbles
(x) Gone ice-skating
( ) Been skinny dipping outdoors
1. Any nickname? Duke, Dukie, MLann, Maura-LeAnn
2. Mother's name? Feliz
3. Favorite drink? Water and Chocolate Mil
4 Body Piercing? Pierced ears - used to have my belly button pierced too
5. How much do you love your job? On a scale of 1-10….about 7.
6. Retired? no
7. Birthplace? Elmendorf Air force Base, Alaska
8. Favorite Vacation spot? Vacation? What vacation…..no Disney Land.
9. Ever been on TV? Yes
10. Ever steal any traffic sign? NO
11. Ever been in a car accident? Yes
12. Drive a 2-door or 4-door vehicle? 4
13. Favorite salad dressing? Blue cheese
14. Favorite pi e? no pie…but I do enjoy mom’s pecan pie.
15. Favorite number? 17 – it is the age I will always think myself stuck in. J
16. Favorite movie? Gosh…so many. Newsies, Hairspray, Twilight…I am sure there are more
17. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving, our whole family comes together.
18. Favorite dessert? CAKE!!!!
19. Favorite food? Depends on my mood.
20. Favorite day of the week? Any day Jason is home
21. Favorite brand of body wash? Cheapest…but I love Cucumber Melon!!!
22. Favorite toothpaste? Total Control
23. Favorite smell? Cucumber Melon
24. What do you do to relax? read
25. How do you see yourself in 10 years? Hopefully with two more children and back to high school weight
26. Furthest place you will send this message? Possibilities are limitless since this is on my blog!
27. Who will respond to this the fastest? Deb…she is the only one who responds on my blogs. :)

Books

So we all know how much I love books... I am usually in the middle of at least 2-3 books at a time. One at work and at the gym, one at home, one in my purse. I can switch back and forth between them. Jason once asked me how I keep up with them all but really it is like watching a tv program and just breaking for commercial. Sometimes I will come across some books that are soo good that I literally can not put them down and have to finish it and any accompanying books they come with (example - Twilight series....thank you very much Deborah!!!!) I guess I really never knew how much I read...well I know I read a lot but I didn't know what a staple it was with me until the other day...
Juliet was walking around the house and kept bringing me books...not hers to read to her but ones that I read. They where all ones that I have already read and just haven't put them in the 'already read' box (ya, that should have been my first clue I have boxes of books I have read and ones I have not....Boxes!) so anyway, I can't understand why she is bringing me these books. I politely say 'thank you baby' and put them aside....but she keeps on coming. It finally clicks with me after about the 5th book she brings me and I put aside, she looks at me and says ' you don't need a book mommy? '. I hadn't had a book with me. Not on my lap, or on the couch with me, or in my purse and I guess usually when I am done with my chores and she is playing either in her room or coloring in the living room...I have a book. So much so that she found it very out of the ordinary that I did not have a book, that I would actually sit down for five minutes without a book in my hands or in reaching distance ready to read....now this can be good or bad. I am sure that when she does want my attention I put my book aside and talk to her, but does she not talk to me as much because of it? She is a big reader too and will stay up well past her bed time 'reading' her books....I thought this a good thing...but when she is actually able to know what she is reading, will she become obsessed and miss out on life. I don't' think it will be that bad since she likes other hobbies as well...but it put the thought in my mind.

Kids are so perceptive and it is interesting what they teach us about ourselves. I am apparently addicted to reading.....really I think it is an addiction with me. I can not, not read! In fact the day she was giving me all those books I was contemplating driving to work to get the book I had left there or just re-read one. Well she showed me how obsessed I am and I hope it doesn't have to much of a negative impact on her. And now she is aware of it she still makes sure I have a book in my purse or with me. I wonder what she will think when she gets to know her friends parents and their moms don't always have a book with them. will she think them weird or me? who knows.... but it will be interesting to watch and see.